The role that a grandparent's love, games, shared stories and caring play can become a definite emotional pillar in a child's life; while, on the contrary, the feeling that he is not special enough to generate the same reactions or the same intensity in the affections of his grandparents as a brother or a cousin, it can affect your safety and self-esteem significantly.
Let's face it, most grandparents have a greater affinity and bond with a particular grandchild. We could define it as' grandparents' favorite grandchild '. Find out why some grandparents have a predilection for one of their grandchildren.
Grandparents often feel a greater connection to one of their grandchildren due to:
- Her character.
- The moment of his arrival in the family.
- They share the same tastes and preferences.
- The position he occupies among the others (perhaps the first or the youngest).
- Her sex (for example, when she is the only girl among all men or vice versa), her physical features etc…).
- Just because.
Feeling these kinds of preferences It does NOT have a negative implicationIn fact, it is something natural; the negative effects come when it becomes "too obvious" to others.
Here are some of the grandparent behaviors that can turn a preference into a messy situation:
- Be extremely more loving with his favorite grandson than with the others.
- Externalize constant praise and positive comments to a grandchild about others.
- Make significantly more eye-catching gifts or special.
- Make concessions or give permission that the other grandchildren do not enjoy.
- Be much more interested in achievements and in the hits of your favorite.
In some cases it is only one of the behaviors mentioned that makes the difference, and in others they can appear all at once.
These situations generate consequences for the whole family, even for the favorite grandson; Here are some of them:
- Parents feel upset and uncomfortable with these differences and this can end in friction, complaints, estrangement and fewer visits to the grandparents' house.
- Favorite grandson can feel superior to others and even to make them notice that he is the favorite, or to feel uncomfortable when seeing that his brothers or cousins do not receive the same treatment.
- Underdog grandchildren can affect their self-esteem and security, especially if they spend a lot of time at their grandparents' house.
- Grandparents may miss out on getting to know their other grandchildren better and discovering their feelings, abilities, or talents.
- Tensions can arise between parents themselves depending on the side where the grandparents are and even fights between married couples over this issue.
- The other grandchildren may begin to be distant.
So what can grandparents do to avoid these situations?
- First accept that they have a favorite grandchild and discover through what behaviors they have made it evident.
- Save their preferences for them and show them only when they are with their favorite grandchild alone.
- Give yourself the opportunity to spend time alone with each grandchild to discover your qualities and talents and not miss out on any of them.
- Try to keep your feelings aside and not make differences or deal with material things.
Is essential that grandparents measure the important role they occupy in the affections of each grandchild (although some do not make it evident) and therefore avoid making differences. That they manage to take the time to know and love each one in their own way and thus enjoy the particularities of each one.
Your heart will always be big enough to keep you all inside!
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